'Bête Noire' or Fear itself.

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Fear, defined as  "A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger,evil,pain,etc. Whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid."


I assume everyone's experienced fear at some point in their lives. Most of us probably live with fear everyday. Unknowingly or Knowingly. It's one of those natural emotions I guess; Fear of heights, Fear of water, Fear of Death, Fear of God, Fear of love, Fear of losing someone, Fear of swimming, etc,etc.


I intensely live with the fear of expressing myself in front of new people or even just a crowd. Also termed as 'Stage Fright' or just being shy for the simple.
   I tend to chicken out, panic or just go through this rush of feelings when I'm supposed to be speaking in front of a crowd or to be making conversation with a group of people. I unknowingly get shy, self conscious;more like sheepish when i'm with people I'm not yet comfortable with. I take a lot of time to open up, to express myself the way I want to. And did I mention of how much this bothers me?
    I envy the people who are able to make great conversations around a group of people, joke around without a pinch of coyness, talk confidently, argue when they know they're right, speak their mind out, speak in front of a crowd to express their thoughts, Oh, how much I envy people like that!


"You see something scary, you should stand up and step toward it, not away from it. Instinctively, Reflexively, in a ranging fury." -Lee Child (Echo Burning)


I can talk a lot, with people I know, I can be completely hyper with the people I'm used to. But, I'm too tired of not being able to speak out in public; with the act of speech, talk, conversations, communication. And, it's not that I haven't been on stage or been a part of speeches. As a matter of fact, I have been on stage a couple of times with shaking legs and a racing heart. I've spoken before the mic many times; not for debates as such, but for simple speeches and presentations and have experienced interviewing people holding a much higher post than me. But yet, the fear wont go away. I get awfully scared and nervous when  asked to speak on something in front of a crowd or if I'm just supposed to be talking to a group of people, being how I should be. I yet don't voice my opinion when needed or speak out. I yet wont fight back, I yet cant express myself the way I should be, completely.


Once, a friend of mine tells me ; "You're just so worried about people's judgements" And it stroke me then, maybe I am worried about that, maybe I do care too much, not exactly knowingly, but unknowingly. Worried about what people will think, talk, say, etc,etc.
   Call it weakness or fear. I'd say its a portion of both. I'm trying and I will continue to until I overcome this aversion, overcome stage fright, overcome this shyness, this meekness; cause once Lucas Scott's voice cover said; "Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote;'You cannot run away from a weakness;you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"


I'm trying to fight this out.


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2 comments:

Burhanuddin said...

GO for public speaking classes ...ull be AWESOMER :D

WEED

Huda Merchant said...

I am going for the Toastmasters :D
Like, only 2 sessions are over, 6 more left :) So, lets hope it helps.

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