Her last cigarette

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She wasn't exactly skinny, nor fat but, self conscious, social conscious. She cared about what people thought, she was affected by the trivial thoughts and annotations of people. That's how the smoking began. She felt she wasn't good enough in the eyes of people. She longed for social pleasure and mere acceptance in the judgemental society that prevails. She worked at a decent job post, but longed for promotion, higher job satisfaction. But, lets face it, job promotion and appreciation is no piece of cake.

The clock red 6. The sky pictured a shade of grey with fleeting colours of orange hazing above the horizon, splashed with shades of pink and red, with added hints of purple and blue. The sun's time out had deviated. Under the busy life of the city, most people were swaying away home or perhaps dinner. Kate followed her typical bus routine home, recalling and running through the events of the day. She lits her Dunhill cigarette as it neared dinner. Cigarettes were her little escape, escape to gaining more calories. She felt satisfied and dissatisfied at once. Satisfied with an empty stomach, dissatisfied at how much she needed this escape. Not only for herself, but for the society she thought that cared.

The following evening at a corporate party, she moves away from the crowd for a smoke. Soon accompanied by a senior manager. "Oh, so you smoke too?" he asked, amazed. "Unfortunately, I do." "Why unfortunate? It's your choice, isn't it?" "Well, that's a long story." "Whatever it is, its cool. Don't worry about it." A conversation further built between them. Time passed, cigarettes burnt, the night had gradually ended.

As days went by, work went on smooth and Kate was found smoking more often, smoking during the day, smoking with her manager. It began to get more regular and sadly for more reasons than just her appetite. She felt like this was helping. Helping her look better in front of people, helping her with chances to prove herself to her manager, helping her with her job.
Months passed,the smoking grew, the job was growing too. The only thing that didn't was Kate. She was beginning to be someone she'd never imagined. Smoking was only an escape for her appetite, not this. She was turning into a version of herself that never existed at once. All this under pressure, social pressure, job pressure.

There are many types of wake-up calls in this world. For some its their alarm ringing aloud amidst a beautiful dream. For others, it could be their little mistakes or the birth of an incident. There are many types of wake-up calls, but only one that holds a specific significance. For Kate, it happened to be the sudden death of a friend's brother, caused by oral cancer. Death was a fact scary, but being indulged into something that influenced it was a thought scarier. Kate thought she had it all figured out. Her job, social circles, etc. But, she was only about to scratch the surface.


About Post Author

Based in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia and Pune, India. I am a Communications Professional and Freelancer. Apart from writing and sipping on chai, I'm inclined towards a multitude of creative spheres, including literature, art, culture, social change and fashion.

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An advertising and media professional based in Bangalore, India and Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. I am the Founder & Community Head of Jeddah Reads,a project aimed at promoting an active reading culture in the region. Apart from writing and sipping on chai, I'm inclined towards a multitude of creative spheres, including literature, art, culture and social change communication.

Email: hudaerchant95@gmail.com



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